Munkustrap's Bad Day
by An Fhomhair
Summary: CATS. Munkustrap 'wakes up on the wrong side of the bed' and becomes evil, subsequently trying to take over the world! Oh dearie me, whatever to do? Please do not take seriously, kids.
1. Evil Munkus Enters!

**Disclaimer: I-ay on't-day own-ay ats-cay. Uh-day.**

**Note: As the summary says, this is not to be taken seriously, as it is simply written to amuse the Authoress's younger sister and to get said Authoress's mind off a stupid thing called 'Algebra Homework'.**

Munkustrap's Bad Day

From the moment he woke up on Thursday the Twenty-Ninth of October, Munkustrap had felt…different. Trying to ignore this strange feeling, he rolled over and pretended to be asleep. "Munkustrap must be sick to-day," thought Demeter to herself. "He's usually one of the first up, after all." She shrugged and slid lithely out of the dilapidated old car that they slept in.

Sick? Oh no. Munkustrap wasn't sick, not at all. Actually, technically speaking he was- his mind had turned to the sickness of EVIL! "What?" you the reader ask. "Munkustrap is evil? No way!" But it was true. Oh yes. Something about this fateful Thursday- perhaps it was something in the air- had turned Munkustrap into a possessed, wicked, psycho-maniac. Now, why does that sound so EERILY familiar? Who do we know who's a possessed, wicked, psycho-maniac?

Realising why he felt so different, Munkustrap climbed out of bed and peered evilly out of the busted-up car windows. When he was sure no-one at all was watching, he climbed out of the back of the car and set off to find the wickedest, most possessed, psycho-est maniac any Jellicle could imagine!

Now whoever could that be? (At this point the Authoress pauses to roll her eyes sarcastically.)

Munkustrap was vaguely aware of where Macavity's lair was, and so he set off through the streets of London to find the place. As he did so, his newly evil mind was already devising psychotic schemes that would scare any self-respecting person out of their wits. Finally, after much toil and labouring, Munkustrap found a dirt-encrusted door labeled: Macavity's Lair. Knock if you want to die.

(Naturally, this message was, of course, inscribed upon the surface in Evilspeak Runes, the knowledge of which had been newly implanted into Munkustrap's mind. All the good villains knew Evilspeak Runes, after all. Duh.)

Shall we continue with our story? I think we shall. Well, Munkustrap was brave in an evil, rogueish sort of way, so he knocked on the door, which- did I mention this yet?- was oozing chartreuse slime out of the knotholes and cracks which it sported in various places.

He waited.

He waited.

He waited.

Finally, a burly, tough-looking cat, who happened to have ragged fur and several teeth missing(not that there's anything wrong with that, of course!), opened the door a crack. His gleaming yellow eyes widened. "Boss!" he screeched, turning. "It's th' yuppie scum from th' Jellicle tribe- Munkything, or whatever yer call 'im!"

Immediately Macavity was face-to-face with Munkustrap. "What do you want, little brother?" he growled, exposing yellowed fangs as he did so. Munkustrap did not flinch in the least.

"Good day, elder brother. Would you care to take over the world with me?" Macavity's jaw dropped in surprise and he grinned. But, then, his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"You're kidding, aren't you?"

Munkustrap shook his silver-furred head vigorously. "Nope. I've decided to devote my life to crime. Will you help me?"

Macavity stopped for a moment to read Munkustrap's mind. When he finished, and realised this wasn't a cleverly devised ploy against him, his face broke into a maniacal grin. "Sure!" he replied. Munkustrap's spirits rose. Then Macavity added, "But, first- you have to prove that you're evil enough to be my homey."

"Huh?"

"You must cat-nap a member of the Jellicle tribe, then bring them to me, so I may kill them in bloody, gruesome, and sadistic ways!" Macavity explained, his grin widening. "How about…Demeter! Yes." Munkustrap looked hesitant. "Okay, okay, fine. You can choose who you wanna cat-nap and lead to their brutal and torturous death."

"Ummm…" Munkustrap thought aloud, trying to think of someone whom he didn't like very much. "Er, how about Admetus?" (He didn't even know Admetus.) Macavity pulled a face.

"How about Mungojerrie?" he suggested.

"Oh, ok." Replied Munkus. After all- now that he was evil, Mungojerrie seemed like such a poser.

So, humming a dark tune that went "dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun" the brothers set off for…(drumroll) the Jellicle Junkyard, laughing insanely all the way. As they did this, they also planned out a heinous plot to kidnap Mungojerrie. But, of course, they spoke in Evilspeak, so nobody could understand them.

Actually, this 'heinous plot' was eerily similar to Macavity's previous ones: Run in, laugh insanely until they get scared, grab your cat-nap-ee, and get outta there. But regardless of whether the plan was honestly cleverly devised or if any dolt could have thought it up, Macavity and Munkustrap had a plan, and in their ninds that was all that mattered.

They were extremely confident in this plan!

Sort of.

So Munkustrap waited at the gate of the Jellicle Junkyard for a moment, but he drowned his fears and regrets with the reassurance that, as soon as he kidnapped Mungojerrie, his plan for world denomination would be put into action! (dundundun, dundundun, dundundun.) Thus, Munkustrap strode (nearly) fearlessly forth and proceeded to cat-nap Mungojerrie.

In short, it didn't go as neatly as planned.

"Oh, 'ello, Munkus!" said Mungojerrie, smiling genially. "An' where're ye off to te-day?" Munkustrap did not answer, merely grinning wickedly. This subsequently caused Mungojerrie to laugh, because he thought it meant that Munkustrap wanted him to inspect his teeth. "The dentist?"

Munkustrap, again, refrained from answering, and instead attempted to lunge at Mungojerrie. Notice we say 'attempted', because instead of actually succeeding in this lunging business, Munkus tripped over a spork and fell flat on his furry face. However, he regained his balance and lunged at Mungojerrie again. (Through all this Macavity was lying in wait outside the 'yard.) Munkustrap managed to grab Mungo by the tail and was dragging him (rather painfully, we might mention) towards the spot where Macavity was hiding.

"Now, Munkus, if ye wanted ter play tag, couldn' ye jus' say so?"

-end chapter-

**A/N: As I mentioned before, 'tis not to be taken seriously. Your brain may turn into a slice of swiss cheese if you think this is meant to be serious. XD Ah well. Review if you may, flame if you must. Flames will be used to burn my school down, whereas for constructive criticism- always welcome, it is!**

**Le gra go deo,**

**Eponine**


	2. In which you may find musical parodies

**Disclaimer: Ill-stay Ot-nay Ine-may. Igh-say. X(**

**And finally, after a dreadfully long wait...**

**Munkustrap's Bad Day- Chapter Two**

A frail, elderly cat was hunched by the side of the road as Macavity and Munkustrap passed. "Please 'elp me, I'm just a poor old tom, nowheres to go, me eyesight's bad, me legs'r weak, an' I've got scurvy an' arthritis an'-" THWAP.

Munkustrap grinned proudly, then quickly attempted to change the grin to a wicked smirk. "Look, Macavity- I knocked out a 'potential enemy', just like you taught me to!"

After a miserably failed attempt to cat-nap Mungojerrie at the Jellicle Junkyard, the Napoleon of Crime and his new counterpart fled the area in embarrassment , and Macavity decided that a lesson on knocking out potential enemies was definitely in order. Thus, he had given his brother an "extremely useful" seminar, detailing how to stun adversaries- or perhaps those who weren't actually your adversaries yet, but looked like they could be.

Unfortunately, Munkustrap had much more trouble finding actual 'enemies' than he did knocking people out.

Macavity stared in an evilly bored sort of fashion at Munkus, who was still twitching as he tried to perfect his evil smirk, and sighed. "Come now, brother. If you ever want to be a _real _criminal, you must abuse more dangerous folks."

"But I thought you told me to ruthlessly injure and/or murder innocent, unsuspecting cats!" cried Munkustrap, confused.

Macavity pondered this for a moment. Then he replied, "Well, they have to be _dangerous _innocent and unsuspecting cats." He leered, showing his teeth to the elderly cat, who had woken up. "Unlike this pathetic old ragbag. Now hold on, brother- I need to sharpen my teeth." The mystery cat whipped out a mechanical pencil sharpener, plugged it into his portable socket _(don't ask)_, and, with a dreadful grinding sound, sharpened each fang to a perfect point. "Alright, let's leave."

The two cats headed back to Macavity's lair, singing "Dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun!"

"Dun dun dun, dun dun da-da-da, dun dun, dun dun da-da-da, dun du-UN!" added Munkustrap, but was quickly silenced by a _look _from his older brother. Finally, they reached their destination. Macavity knocked on the door of the lair, inspecting the slimy goo.

"Zorken sncheecker floooog!" He hissed into the door in a strange, coarse language. The scruffy-looking cat who had opened the door for Munkustrap yanked it open again.

"'Ey, boss." He growled to Macavity. "Griddlebone's waitin' fer ye, by the way." Then he noticed Munkus. " 'Ey, why'd ye bring back tha' yuppie scum from the Jellicles?"

Macavity hissed and replied curtly, "Oh, you'll see, Shark-Bait." He brushed past Shark-Bait(for that was the cat's name), and he and Munkustrap continued to the next room, and walked down the stairs,

down

to

the

basement.

"Be on your watch for the dead rats. They enjoy live prey." Macavity informed Munkustrap. The silver tabby considered asking just why _dead _rats would like any sort of prey at all, but he decided that he ought not to ask impertinent questions, and so refrained. It was quite dark down there, besides, and he didn't really want to know the gory details of what creatures resided in the Basement. Plus…it smelled like lemon cleaning fluid, so it _had _to be a bad place.

Anyways…Back to our story. As they ventured further into the bleak chambers of the Basement, a pair of glowing green eyes met them out of the dark, followed by a fluffy white Persian. Griddlebone sashayed over to Macavity, smiling in a disturbing and yet seductive manner. "Welcome back, Pookie." She purred.

Macavity blushed. (Of course, since he's already red, he turned purple instead.) "Honeybear, how many times do I have to remind you NOT to call me that?" he muttered.

Griddlebone looked crestfallen. "But pookie, it's so-"

"Don't you dare say 'cute', woman!"

Griddlebone looked cross but regained her composure quickly, and immediately asked, "Did you bring me something shiny?"

Macavity replied, "Not this time, but I did recruit a new accomplice to help me accomplish my EVIL, SADISTIC, HORRIBLE, CONNIVING, WICKED, NASTY-"

"You don't have to go through the entire list."

"Plans." Macavity finished sullenly. He nodded at Munkustrap, who Griddlebone had strangely failed to notice. "My brother finally got some sense knocked into his head, and decided to be a true man and join the _dark _side of the force!" He laughed demonically and motioned for Munkustrap to follow him into another chamber, looming in the darkness of the Underworld yes, I forgot to mention- 'The Underworld' is what Macavity had fondly nicknamed his lair.)

"Where are we going?" Munkustrap asked, but Macavity only emitted a maniacal cackle in response. Munkus shrugged and followed his brother. A large door creaked open, and they slipped into a large room. Macavity flicked on the light, it was a frightening, blood-freezing area decorated with…

Flowers, care bears, and Hello Kitty! Pink walls! _Is this a joke? _Munkustrap wondered. Macavity quickly read his mind and answered the mental question. "Griddlebone insisted on the décor." The scarlet tom growled., heading to the back of the room, where an oddly-shaped object stood draped in a piece of satin. Macavity grinned at Munkustrap. "Prepare to be awed and blinded by the extent of my evil-ness." He declared, whipping the sheet off to expose a large, bumpy plant, mostly green-coloured but tinged with red and yellow. It appeared to have a large mouth, like a venus fly trap, but this thing's mouth protruded with rows of gleaming, white teeth. This 'trap' stood on a thorny stem. Little tendrils curled out over the floor.

"Isn't she…beautiful?" Macavity breathed, a glazed, hypnotic look in his eyes. "So…beautiful…"

"Erm…" Munkustrap opened his mouth slightly. He wasn't quite sure that he'd call the plant-thing-monster (whatever it was) 'beautiful'. "Um, eh, er, ek, eee, uh-"

"Get to the POINT!" shrieked Macavity.

"Y-yeah, it- I mean, she's, beautiful?" he said, looking slightly perturbed. "Uh, yeah!"

Macavity smiled, exposing fangs equaling that of the 'Thing'. "I'm glad you agree; it's good that you agree, seeing as she eats cats." He smiled again, menacingly. "My evil friend, meet the Demi II!"

_-finis chapter-_

**A/N: Ummm...I'm really sorry about the wait for this chapter, I really am. Thanks so much for reviewing, I love feedback, any kind of feedback. Constructive criticism would be really nice though. :)Oh, and kudos to anyone who gets the musical references in this chapter. xp **

**le gra go deo,**

**Eponine**


	3. Which is a SemiParody

**Munkustrap's Bad Day- Chapter 3**

Munkustrap stared at the plant, its giant jaws agape and dripping with a rather nasty-looking substance. He couldn't quite understand why the plant was apparently named after Demeter- they weren't mirror likenesses, if you catch my drift- but he was sure that it must have some significance in the world of evil, so he nodded respectfully, and, unsure of what to do, waved 'hello' at it. Macavity glared at the silver tabby. "Fool. Why would you wave at a _plant_, even a plant of this high intelligence? You must _bow _to it and chant " 'Ocomogosiay!' ten times, and then sing 'Strawberry Fields Forever' backwards! Every good villain knows that!"

"Errr…alright." Said Munkustrap. He proceeded to do what Macavity described.

"Umm…OcomogosiayOcomogosiayOcomogosiayOcomogosiayOcomogosiayOcomogosiayOcomogosiayOcomogosiayOcomogosiayOcomogosiay!" He panted. That was fairly easy. However, how to go about singing 'Strawberry Fields Forever backwards was quite a mystery to him. He didn't even know 'Strawberry Fields Forever' _forwards_, much less backwards…

Three Hours Later

"Reverof sdleif yrrebwarts!" Munkustrap finally finished the grueling work of singing a human song he didn't even know backwards. Macavity nodded.

"I'm my darling Demi II was pleased." He said. "But- don't pursue a career in singing. PLEASE." He yawned. "It is time to sleep now." He said, pointing to a bed made out of a plastic bin filled with squirming, writhing worms. Munkus blanched. "Oh don't worry- you'll be sleeping in here!" Macavity reassured him, pointing into the next room, where another bed stood- this time, a plank studded with nine-inch-long nails. Munkustrap didn't even manage to blanch this time; instead, he made a sort of strangled sound in the back of his throat. "Have some nice nightmares, brother!" said Macavity and whisked out of the room.

It was dark…very dark, Munkustrap noticed. He swallowed, his mouth feeling dry, as he heard strange noises in the darkness. He had not dared to lie down on the painful-looking bed of nine inch nails, but as he stepped back, his fur caught in one of the particularly rusty ones and he fell back with a yell of dismay. The nails were very pokey, and painful to the touch- any way he turned, it was living hell. Finally, Munkustrap decided he would rather prowl the grounds in the dead of night then lie about tossing and turning upon a bed of icky nails.

Quietly, very quietly, he ascended from the depths of the Underworld, and crept out a window of the building that served as Macavity's Lair. Outside, the night was simply beautiful- _lovely_ smells such as rotting garbage permeated the air, and the music of the night consisted of charming sounds like the scraping of a raccoon's claws against a dumpster, and a dog attacking its squealing, helpless prey. What better place to be?

"_Munkustraaaaaaap_!"

Munkus started in surprise, hearing a familiar yet unplaceable voice call his name.

Again it came. "_MUNKUSTRAAAPPPPPPP_!"

Munkustrap hesitated. In this shifty part of town, it must be a trap.

"_MUNKUSTRAP, you fucking IDIOT_! Look to your right!"

Munkustrap quickly turned to his right. A silvery apparition floated in the air. Munkus caught his breath- it was Old Deuteronomy! The apparition opened its mouth. He prepared for the worst.

"Munkustrap, why are you in this disgusting shady part of town?" the apparition asked him, looking 'round.

"Uhhh…" Munkustrap took a moment to think about this. "Because I'm going to become evil, and that means hanging around in the disgusting shady parts of town?" he suggested uncertainly. On a second thought, he bared his fangs at it. _That_ was a much more effective way of communication, he'd been told by Macavity.

The apparition of Old Deut frowned. "But you can't be evil! You have to avenge me!"

"Avenge you?" said Munkustrap, his pea brain not being able to comprehend a large word combined with another word.

The apparition rolled its eyes in exasperation and waved its paws. "Yes, avenge me! Avenge my death!"

"But you're not _dead_!"

"Ohh." The apparition was now the one who had to stop and consider this. "Oh, who cares whether I'm dead or not- yet! You need to avenge my impending death!"

"But your death _isn't _impending!" yelped Munkus.

"Fine! Just avenge me then- by being good, not evil! Your brother deserted the tribe, you fool- why in the Heaviside would you join him?"

"The Heaviside's not a very big place." Pointed out Munkustrap annoyingly.

"Alright…then in the Heaviside, in Hell, in Limbo, and in McDonalds." Muttered the apparition of his father. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is, you're being a very naughty Jellicle Protector, and you really ought to stop being evil right now and avenge me for some reason which I do not know. Or else."

"No way, Josè!" exclaimed Munkustrap. "You're just an apparition!" And without another word he turned and slunk back through the window and into his room. _What a stupid apparition. _He thought annoyedly.

Though he did have to admit- talking to an infuriatingly annoying apparition was a bit more fun than lying on a bed of nails.

**Author's Notes: Now, I don't mean to toot my own horn or anything- but I do have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself for updating semi-quickly this time. XP I hope you guys liked this chapter…personally I thought the other ones were a bit funnier, but I did like writing this one. Oh, and much kudos to anyone who gets my parody of a certain part of a certain famous play in this chapter. **

**Le gra go dèo,**

**Eponine**


End file.
